Rodney Dangerfield Has Dean Martin in Stitches (1972)

– What a crowd, beautiful, beautiful. You know I was just thinking
to myself before the show the audience over here,
you make a guy feel great. You’re friendly. Over in my neighborhood
it’s different, you know. Where I live you’ve got to
watch yourself I’ll tell ya. I live in a tough
neighborhood, tough you know? Last week a new guy moved in. He was showing off, he knew karate. He broke a brick with his hand, then he broke his hand with a brick. (laughing) I’ll tell you in my
neighborhood everybody’s tough. Even the people in
business, they think tough. There’s a bank on my block. In this bank, if you open a
savings account they give you a free carving knife and
point out two victims. (laughing) I tell you I can’t figure people out, I can’t figure my wife out. My wife, she don’t give
me no respect, you know? No respect at all. Every time I set the
alarm, she turns if off. She says what I earn
it don’t pay to get up. (laughing) there’s a lot of things ’bout
my wife I can’t figure out. The way she does the ironing. I mean when you burn a
shirt, who puts on butter? (laughing) (applause) you’ve been a great
crowd, I’ll see you again. Drop in, I’m always around. (applause) – Fine Rodney, how are you doing? – Oh I’m great, great, great. By the way Teddy, no drinks. Skip the Shirley Temple,
no Shirley Temple, no extra sugar, no nothing. – No drink, Rodney, how come? – I had my drink earlier, you know. A guy was in earlier, I sat
around and had a conversation. Guy knew me from the old days. I worked nightclubs all over the country. You’d be surprised how many people know me from the old days, or they drop in from all over the country. They always test my memory, you know. They always say hey
Rodney, Boston remember? Rodney, Chicago remember? I never hear a woman say Rodney, remember? (laughing) Here they all come in, everybody comes in. – You know I heard that Johnny Carson was in the other night. – You heard about that? Yeah, that guy’s terrific, isn’t he? Gee he’s great, he’s fast. I was talking to him, he
told me all about Nebraska. That’s where he come
from, Nebraska you know? I tell you I think a little
Nebraska is still in him ’cause the night Johnny
Carson was here it was the first night the doorman
ever parked a tractor. (laughing) I’ll tell ya, this place you
meet all kinds of people. At the bar I heard two guys talking. I heard one guy say what
do you think of Cambodia? The other guys said, if
he’s Italian he’s all right. (laughing) You know when I worked
tough clubs years ago I really met characters. – Rodney years ago I worked
some tough places myself. – You worked some tough places? – I worked one place that
was so tough one night the boss said to me, kid
you wanna go hunting? I said okay I’m game, and he shot me. – I tell ya, you meet
characters over the place. Don’t ya Dean? I tell you, the toughest jobs I ever had, I worked at Coney Island when I was a kid. I was in the middle of all
the rides, people going on Ferris Wheel. One night a couple came from
the whip, they came to see me. All night long they laughed
at me like this you know. (laughing) (audience laughing) That’s some other place
I didn’t have any luck, Coney Island. I never got any respect there either. When I was a kid the first
time my old man took me to Coney Island we went to
see the freaks, you know. The owner looked at me. He told my old man, get the kid out, he’s distracting from the show. (laughing) (upbeat instrumental music)