Quilting Anonymous (Parody Video)


Hi my name is Jack and I’m a secret Quilter.
“Hi Jack.” I don’t even know where to start. “Start from the beginning, Jack.” I’ve been
quilting for about 5 years now and my wife doesn’t know about it. At first, I was ashamed
at how much I really enjoyed quilting. But now I’m at a point where I’d rather spend
time at my sewing machine than at my saw. How do you keep your stash hidden from your
wife, because no matter what I do, mine just show up out of no where? “I keep it in the
tool chest, she never looks there.” Jack, which toolbox is the hammer in? “Does anyone
else have anything for Jack?” Yeah, Jack, I completely understand what you’re going
through. My wife thinks I go bowling on Thursday nights and I hate bowling! “Alright honey,
off to bowling night with the guys.” I’m baaack! Hi Dave! But I just don’t know how I’m going
to tell my wife and kids that instead of going to the bowling alley, I’m going to the quilt
guild meetings. “We’d all like to thank Dave for his honesty and integrity and being true
to himself.” Thanks Dave. Is there anyone else who would like to share with us tonight?
I’ve been having a lot of problems recently. Seems no matter what I do, my top thread keeps
breaking. Tyler, tell us more. I’m using a 40 wt. cotton thread, my tension is set at
5, using a size 80 needle and it just shreds. Does anyone have any advice for Tyler? You’ve
got to use a 90/14 Topstitch needle, especially titanium coated. It will reduce the friction
on the thread and sew great. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. Thank you Tyler. As
a special presentation tonight, I thought I would share my personal story.
It all started when my wife left for the weekend and I tore my favorite blanket. I jumped online
and started watching tutorials. 5 hours later, I was still watching videos. I tried to fit
in quilting anywhere I went. I modified my car and hard-wired a sewing machine so that
I can truly sew, on the go. I told my wife that the extra pedal was for the turbo drive
and not to press down on it. It turns out that sewing while driving is a little too
distracting. I just couldn’t keep my seams straight.
I met a guy who supplied the best stuff around, Egyptian-grown extra long staple cotton. This
thread had virtually no lint and was so smooth in my machine.
After a while, people started noticing my improvements and urged me to enter my quilts.
And then it happened…. I got caught. Hey! What are you doing? Umm.. This? I’m reverse-engineering
this power tool. Are you Quilting? uhhh….no? Are those feathers? mmmm… Maybe? You’re
better at this than me! You should learn how to quilt! Really? Wow. Does your wife still support you, even though she knows how serious you’re in? Support me, she taught me trapunto last week! (gasp!)